Hello is anyone out there?!
This is Gabrielle, today is day 455 of winter, I am writing you from Philadelphia.
I don’t know if I can go on, things are becoming bleak, and I am starting to lose faith. I fear that I will never see the sun again! I fear that spring is never coming and I will never feel the sun on my skin again!
Okay guys, I know that was a bit dramatic! But in all seriousness, my seasonal affective disorder is in full swing and I fear my light therapy lamp is starting to lose its power over my soul. I swear to you that I run/survive on caffeine, sugar (cookies and brownies), and SUN! Lots and lots of SUN!
Today’s struggle started with an impending snow storm. I work as a therapist at a residential facility and have worked for hospitals for years before this and I have always operated under the notion that when it snows I still have work. It sucks, but it is life, when you are considered an essential employee!
So this morning, I got up, fought with Leo to go outside to use the bathroom, got dressed (yes, I put on my new favorite pair of gray joggers don’t judge me) packed a lunch, put on my snow boots and cleaned off my car. All the while, I was internally crying that I just want the sun.
I drove slowly to work this morning hating life/people while listening to NPR, just like I do every morning, but 20-40mph slower then normal. Somewhere along the way I switched the channel to hear Toto’s Africa! This made me sad/happy/angry/nostalgic all at the same time, because all I want is to be at the shore for no shower happy hour at The Whitebrier or at Sunday Funday at The Ocean Drive. Cue, more internal tears and whining as I pulled into work.
I want to throw this out there, I only started working here last summer, and this place while I love the work I do, they kinda suck at communicating on what is expected of us. So I thought from the email I received yesterday that I had to be at work today, but when I got in the office no one was there! I swear, I was one of 4 therapists that showed up! We have ten therapists on staff! This increased my anger/annoyance for the day/my employer. But, I digress, I did my job, I saw my patients, I had good sessions with them and I got some notes done.
Okay, okay, okay… I lied a little… Here’s how my morning really went in the office! I got in and I complained to my co-worker about being there and poor communication, went to rounds, rolled my eyes, went back to my office, read some emails, got annoyed, rolled my eyes again, started to reply to said annoying email, stopped. Turned on my sun therapy lamp and drank some coffee while staring at the beach photo. My office has NO windows! I am convinced an office with no windows is cruel and unusual punishment and I swear this is driving some of my current insanity!
Anyway back to my morning, I went to talk to nursing about an issue, went back to my office, sent a parent an email, turned on music (I am currently listening to Big Little Lies playlist on Spotify), drank more coffee, sent a personal email, talked to another co-worker, texted with my 10 girlfriends in a group text and then around this point I decided I need to get the F*ck out of Philly!
I then spent 30+ minutes Googling cheap flights from Philadelphia to pretty much anywhere that it is currently 75+ degrees outside. By this point my first patient came for her appointment so I stopped my search, but I was distracted. I saw my patients, had a conversation with my supervisor, called a parent, wrote some notes and then headed home. All the while the thought of a vacation has been in the back of my mind. By the time I left the snow was coming down hard! It took me 40 minutes to get home (I live 15 minutes away!). When I got home all I was thinking about was vacation and when I was younger how much fun snow days were because we would go out and drink and sled in the snow (high school)! The rest of my day consisted of walking Leo, eating lunch, taking a work call, Googling more vacation places, snuggling Leo and then opening a bottle of wine (Rose to be exact because I’m feeling super basic today).
The moral of the story is I’m over the winter! I still haven’t booked a trip, but I am going to! I need some suggestions! I don’t want to be all negative so here are some positives about this afternoon, I baked some cookies, drank my favorite wine, snuggled my pup, texted my girlfriends and watched Harry Potter. Overall it was an okay day! But spring needs to come soon, I’m just saying!
P.S. there are only 79 more days until Memorial Day weekend! If anyone was wondering/counting!